During my childhood and teenage years, I was often told that to achieve anything, I needed discipline: From teachers and an abusive parental figure to a mentor I had later. From making my bed to not being fat, quitting drugs and alcohol, learning to save, etc. It was all about discipline.
Thanks to Turntablism and Bodybuilding, I quit drugs, became action-oriented, and got in better shape than all those people together. I also got into personal development, only to find out that a lot of self-help is ranting about discipline.
According to peers and gym buddies, I was the epitome of discipline. OMAD, NoFap, staying lean year-round, not drinking, getting high, or eating trash, etc. Deep within, I felt this couldn’t have been further from the truth. So, I started questioning:
“What exactly is discipline?”
The answers mostly boiled down to idealized notions of ‘strong will,’ which, upon further discussion, were revealed as ‘willpower’ and ‘decision-making.’ According to discipline gurus, it was things like:
- Not eating cookies when you want.
- Waking up at 04:00 am, though, hating it with your guts.
- Forcing yourself into other things you despise, utterly against your will.
This confused me, as it wasn’t even close to what I did with my lifestyle. Conversely, it was the precise kind of advice that got me into four years of crippling agoraphobia, preventing me from fully reaping the rewards.
Urgently needing answers, I began my journey to researching discipline. I wanted to write a book based on actual information, not anecdotes. The goals were to:
- Bring clarity to myself.
- Spare others’ struggles rooted in misunderstanding.
Called Discipline or Something Else, the book came** out in June 2022. Finding it even more relevant now, in this one, I’ll help you decide if you’d actually like to read it.
Discipline ≠ Willpower
Behavioral science recognizes two models of willpower.
Supported by Roy Baumeister, Kelly McGonigal, and Walter Mischel, the classic model considers willpower a depletable resource. It’s also called the ‘muscle model‘ as it likens it to a muscle that gets fatigued.
Developed by Michael Inzlicht, Carol Dweck, and Nir Eyal, the more contemporary model views willpower as an emotion that ebbs and flows. Just like you cannot be euphoric or angry all the time, you cannot exert willpower permanently, or at least not for the same things.
Where both models agree is that willpower has limitations. So, if your discipline relies on it, your discipline has the same limitations.
Discipline is About Alignment
True discipline isn’t about white-knuckling yourself into misery. It’s about aligning your actions with values and goals you actually want to follow through.
It largely boils down to habits. So technically, everyone is ‘disciplined.’ Some people are disciplined toward the right things, others toward the wrong.
Habits are really demons doing the heavy lifting behind discipline. They start as small seeds but grow into major changes through compounding effects. More important, habits are independent of willpower, so your discipline stops relying on it.
A disciplined person is really one who has designed their lifestyle to include the habits serving them best. Habits build identity, and identity determines habits.
You Can’t Force Yourself Into Freedom
— POTB
Discipline isn’t self-punishment. It’s becoming a disciple of your future self. It’s aligning your habits and choices with what you want deep down. Not what society, parents, or gurus told you you should do.
To do that, you have to stop seeing discipline as a war against yourself and start seeing it as an alliance with your true self.
Motivation is Essential
A notion that hustle culture keeps shoveling in our faces is that:
“Motivation is unreliable, whereas discipline is always there.”
In reality, there are two types of motivation:
Intrinsic motivation drives us to do things because of their inherent value, because of themselves. It plays a massive role in what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow states or autotelic experiences.
Extrinsic motivation is doing things purely for a specific outcome, like:
- Raises,
- Trophies
- Monetary rewards,
- Etc.
Extrinsic motivation is associated with so-called exotelic experiences. According to Csikszentmihalyi, things are seldom purely auto- or exotelic.
Autotelic experiences are often unlocked after years of dedication and exotelic efforts to build mastery. This is discipline and of itself, and is largely fueled by motivation.
An example I give in the book is my bodybuilding journey.
I got into the gym purely to make people turn heads. Thanks to Nubret, Gironda, and Zane, I understood bodybuilding’s true essence and grew up loving the lifestyle itself.
Years later, I am like a kid in a toy store when training.
The same applies to anything meaningful:
Status
Speaking of extrinsic motivation, Discipline or Something Else discusses the role of status. Whether we admit it or not, we all crave status in one way or another.
- Respect,
- Validation,
- Recognition,
- Etc.
All these matter to us. The craving isn’t toxic by itself — it’s human. It becomes harmful only when we chase the wrong kind of status for the wrong reasons.
As the journalist Will Storr writes, everyone has their personal status game within the culture or demographic they care about.
The right status to pursue is aligned with your core values, interests, and talent. Said differently, it’s determined by your true nature, not society.
When that’s the case, your discipline flourishes as it’s only natural to live as the right person.
- It is why Goggins became Goggins.
- It is why Willink became Willink.
They weren’t chasing random clout. They were obsessed with winning the status game that actually mattered to them.
Spirituality
In the Qabalistic Tree of Life, status has a lot to do with the higher principles of Chesed and Geburah.
- Ruling expansion, development, and material success, Chesed reflects in Hod, which is organization, reason, and systems and blueprints for your habits and actions.
- Ruling destruction, elimination, and objective conquering or victory, Geburah reflects in Netzach your passion, emotion, and sex life.
Besides status, all of these play a crucial role in a lasting identity change and discipline. All are spheres of the conscious mind, Ruach.
While reconciling them via Tiphereth, the most balanced center in the Tree, is critical, we also have an animal soul we can’t neglect, let alone abuse.
Also called Nephesh, the animal soul resides in Yesod, the personal subconscious. It contains:
- The Freudian ID,
- The Jungian Shadow,
- The inner child.
The critical detail is that Yesod is a receptive transmitter. It sits between the mentioned spheres and right above Malkuth, the physical reality where actions and habits take place.
When you collaborate with your animal soul, the process runs smoothly, and your discipline flourishes. When you don’t, you burn yourself out and invoke things like depression and panic disorders.
Plus, you waste copious amounts of psychic energy just to fight the Nephesh, which you can’t.
This is why N. Hill was onto something by saying that self-discipline boils down to mastering the three basic appetites. This makes the nephesh agreeable with whatever changes you make.
Self-Acceptance vs Self-Punishment
This is probably the most important part of the whole book. It’s also the biggest lesson I had to learn the hard way.
“Self-punishment kills discipline.”
— POTB
- Guilt,
- Shame,
- Beating yourself up.
None of them makes you stronger. They break you, trapping you into endless cycles of self-sabotage.
The way out isn’t to be harder on yourself but to be more honest, accepting where you are, forgiving yourself for the past, and fiercely rejecting staying stuck.
As I like to say:
Accept your current self. Fight for your future self.
— POTB
A lack of self-appreciation doesn’t bring excellence. It makes you miserable.
— POTB
Personal Experience
I didn’t write the book as a guru, an academic, or a person who included all the studies but probably never tested anything themselves. All the research is coupled with personal stories. From training and turntablism, battling addictions, and building skills. As they say:
Stories mean more than statistics.
And I find that to be true.
Author’s Reflection
Writing this book forced me to reflect on my own journey more deeply than ever before. I’m proud of it because
- It’s not hype, fake, or about pretending to be perfect.
- It’s about a meaningful, long-lasting change.
Furthermore, I am proud because the world has started catching up, realizing that the conventional notion of self-discipline is deeply flawed and harmful.
Published in 2023, an example is Feel Good Productivity by the productivity god, Ali Abdaal. Next to the title, one reads:
“The secret to productivity isn’t discipline it is joy.“
— Ali Abdaal
I couldn’t agree more.
Who is This for
When you put it all together, Discipline or Something Else is about reclaiming personal sovereignty by:
- Knowing yourself.
- Being your own disciple.
- Building a lifestyle and identity around meaningful things, not someone else’s checklist.
- Replacing fear and intropunitiveness with strength, resilience, and self-appreciation.
It’s meant for anyone who has ever struggled with discipline and/or resonates with the story I shared in the beginning. I firmly believe that such people are simply given the wrong information.
But that’s just my opinion. Let me know if you agree. And thank you for your time.