Starting my creator journey back in the early 2010s, I began uploading my music to places like YouTube and Bandcamp.
No, I was never into content. At least not before the promise of a decentralized web heavily pushed by people like Casey Neistat, ThinkMedia, and Gary Vee, only to be betrayed later.
Passion
My ‘original’ childhood passion is the art of scratch. Turntablism. Particularly, incorporating technical scratching into melodic tracks composed to satisfy my inner child’s taste.
Residing in the sphere of Yesod, the last didn’t get much expression in the last decade. I mean, there was never enough time from “hustling” and “grinding out” content, only to be “localized” and tested to a demographic I never created for.
Mixer
While this is discussed in my series on the algorithm, a year ago, I found that my mixer became useless due to the introduction of Apple silicon.
Somewhat unexpected, this was a slap in the face, and a question to be answered immediately… If I were to preserve and continue developing my skills and making music. And this goes deep.
A Little Background
The art of Scratch, and right after Bodybuilding, played the most pivotal role in my life.
- Scratching contributed to breaking free from heavy speed dependency and booze addiction to eventually competing and winning a local vice champion and champion DMC titles. Also, to be recognized by the one and only god of scratch, Qbert.
- Bodybuilding kept me off the streets even when the competition discontinued, and a major part of what I perceived as my meaning, purpose, or IKIGAI, suddenly perished. It was tough, but Bodybuilding overdelivered, giving me a structure and goal-and-future-oriented mind-frame.
“Free” Stuff
The full story is beyond the scope of this piece. But the bottom line is that when my mixer died, I was heavy on a budget. Because quality content creation is ‘free,’ as gurus like to shove in your face.
- M1 Max Macs
- Studio Displays
- Sigma Art Lenses (budget btw)
- Camera bodies and their taxes, based on where you are in the world, and..
- Storage to back up that crispy downsampled 7K footage.
All these seem to be ‘free,’ according to people like Gary Vee and Think Media.
The Element of Luck
Though I am not sponsored, I was in love with Rane mixers. So, I searched for a replacement for my old one but couldn’t find anything, as the model I wanted was sold out.
Eventually, I stumbled on a single open box unit in the local store I shopped in as a child. With a massive discount, that unit stood there as if waiting for me.
Experiencing guilt, I hesitated, thinking, I could use the money for another piece of gear to produce videos that get pushed to people they were never meant for. What a great deal!
A Choice Already Made
Yet it turned out, these were mostly empty rationalizations and overthinking. As we know from Qabalah and neuroeconomics:
- Hod, the intellect and rational mind can only function when fueled by Netzach, which is our passions and emotions expressed in the Nephesh’s or our animal soul’s instincts, including the Jungian shadow self, inner child, and Freudian Id.
- The rational mind/brain only justifies and rationalizes decisions already made by the emotional mind/brain.
What do you know? It seemed that the choice was already made. And with a few calls to the store, likely annoying the assistants, I eventually pulled the trigger, the whole story of which is shared here.
Works in Progress
Far from perfect, the new mixer revived my practice and composing. I tweaked some presets and worked on several tracks. Yet, there was never enough time to properly finish and release them.
Chasing ‘once in a lifetime,’ ‘amazing opportunities’ which are apparently every year on YouTube, I was buried with work, feeding an algorithm which never delivered the sole thing I hoped for:
- Offering my content to a potential global/English-speaking audience and customers.
- Or at least notifying the 3350 subs gained through severe panic attacks, depression, restrictions…and ‘free’ gear.
Mindlessness
Just another script. And then… another Aroll, and then broll, and then the title animations. And then editing, and then coming out with a ‘standing out’ thumbnail, to include me (so a photo needs to be taken), because representing my brand is key. Or isn’t it?
Yeah, yeah. I “batch-produced.” Hold your horses.
All my “free” effort just to be continuously pushed to the demographic I aim to target the least. Not even getting to compete with the ‘big players’ in the occult niche, who usually smile a lot, show pages of yet another “special grimoire,” they likely seldom test, and produce quality so bad, sometimes I wonder: is making nothing else than complete sh*t the actual goal of many of these people?
No, it’s cruelty. Just an honest artistic disappointment. Plus, that content may be part of their True Wills. So it’s the inertia of the universe’s fault. Either way, it brings us to Saturn – Binah and the vision of Sorrow.
Wonder and Sorrow
Not sadness but hopelessness sometimes, making the Freudian death principle seem a plausible option to indulge in to finish the day. Also, the vision of Wonder (Saturn): Why the f*ck am I actually abusing myself in such a ridiculous way?
According to occult books, occultists are the most creative people you’ll ever see. I don’t know about that. Sorry. I really don’t. I guess I wonder.
The bottom line is that there was never enough time (Saturn) to expand and change beyond the inertia (Saturn) of the YouTube grind. Actually, I could barely work on products and services. Because YouTube is the real business, you know.
Substack
One month after giving up on this ‘amazing opportunity’ and focusing on Substack, a miracle has happened. As if eradicating a tumorous formation or banishing an evil demon sucking the life out of my day, I felt rejuvenated.
Despite publishing weekly articles, with paid graphics, daily notes, and occasional products, I managed to have time. Time to create courses, merch, books, and even more. Can you imagine?
So, why not re-integrate the craft that, at some point, helped me stay alive, giving me a reason for being?
Life and Myth
Mythologically, Jupiter expands beyond the inertia and entropy of Saturn. Yet as we know from the Tree of Life, Sephiroth operate in pairs of opposites. The expansive nature of Chesed really works when combined with its partner in crime, Geburah Mars, cutting and eradicating what no longer serves a meaningful purpose.
Kind of like building muscle because of insulin and mTOR, but keeping that muscle lean because of glucagon and autophagy. Meanwhile, 2025 is regarded as a year of Mars.
Jupiter
This is why, after such a long break, I’m releasing my track named Jupiter, resonating with a personal stage of expansion, change, and creativity beyond mindless inertia, which no longer, or maybe never really served the purpose I hoped for.
Artwork and Symbolism
From Turntable Fiend to my more recent singles and albums, I’ve made all my artworks in Illustrator and Photoshop. On the contrary, times have changed, and while sticking to my guns, I am expanding the arsenal by leveraging MidJourney.
Something that always repelled me in most of Occulture is romanticizing too much about the Victorian Era and its devices. A period when none of those influencer ‘mystery knowers,’ ‘magickal people,’ and other ‘special snowflakes’ actually lived in.
That was never me, and it will never be.
I’ve always been into tech, and inspired by people like Christian Mate Grab, who I find plenty more magickal than some scholars or high adepts. Sorry… Again.
- Informed by Lex Luger, Qbert, and the ISP, Alien Army, Shawty Redd, and Southside, production entirely happens in FL Studio.
- All scratching is hand-made, recorded in Ableton.
Leveraging MidJourney alongside Adobe reflects that perfectly, although I likely suck at it. As I mentioned in my Magician’s Guide to it, it’s not about fearing but collaborating with the AI to fulfill your will. Just like my turntables and DAWs collaborate based on intent and desire to express, Chiah, and convey ideas, Briah.
Colors and Sigils
The track’s whole artwork is soaked in shades and nuances of the practical and mystical colors of Jove:
- Deep purple – Atziluth 21
- Navy blue – Briah 4
Behind emerges the Kamea, which is technically the Fortune card, such as the names of the Spirits. Underneath, there are their actual sigils, which you can think of as their phone numbers. And while the sigils are positioned sideways, I have a strong feeling that Yophiel/Jophiel wouldn’t mind, as it’s an artistic expression aligned with aesthetics.
“O glorious Jophiel!”
4 and 21 are Chesed and the Fortune card Kaph כ. Resh is the letter in ARARITA ascribed to Chesed when you map a hexagram onto the Tree. There are also the ElevenBeams logo, my name POTB, and my Magickal pseudonym, Homiel.
Sadness
It may be just me, but the track has sad undertones, with a somewhat watery/wavy feel. How come?
Besides expansion, change, and creativity, Jupiter-Chesed is also the Vision of Love. Working the Sephirah, 04, or the mystical aspect, is about receptivity and receiving answers.
A key lesson it taught me (and that is subjective) is that the deepest love I can experience toward a being, whether a parent, a lover, or my cat (RIP), is inevitably coupled with an underlying and perhaps bright but profound sadness.
It’s just how my soul/psyche is wired. As if the sadness is, in fact, the Shadow of Love. Go figure. So, to me personally (subjectively), Briah/Mystical Jupiter, aka Chesed, the Vision of Love inseparable from this shadow.
Different techniques, SRH/GRH (both standard or unicursal), do it no justice. Deep blue EL always brings reflections on my loved ones, coupled with that sadness.
It could be the cost of seeing the divine in anything mortal.
On another note, Jupiter’s core is, in fact, an ocean. IDK how Eliphas Levi and those before him identified Chesed as ‘watery.’ But damn, they were right on the money!
Paradox
The paradox is that it’s Saturn Binah that is the Vision of Sorrow, governing the principle of death and decay. Like that Star Wars quote:
“Everything dies. In time, even stars burn out.”
Which probably refers to the fact that no matter how you expand and re-arrange with Build-Destroy, Chesed-Geburah, the fundamental structure, scaffold, or cup Binah-Saturn is always there, and it implies that an end will come.
Yet the sadness taught me to celebrate all moments I already actualized with those people and beings, and the more that are to come. Fingers crossed that it will include music! As my favorite psychologist said:
“Instead of possibilities, I have realities in my past, not only the reality of work done and of love loved, but of sufferings bravely suffered. These sufferings are even the things of which I am most proud, though these are things which cannot inspire envy.”
— Viktor Frankl. Man’s Search for Meaning
Bandcamp
Due to the reports of fellow artists, I’ll stick to my trustworthy Bandcamp as a platform. So, the track is already there, expanding what I started in 2012.
I wrote this in a single session after a Yesod working, on 13.10.2025 – Moon day. Published on 16.10.2025 – Jupiter day.
POTB | Homiel